About The Last Days
In the last days at school, it was not that easy. I was heart broken, I was ill, and the fear of leaving my ‘home’ kept haunting me all the time.
I warned myself. But maybe it’s sort of these “be careful of what you say because it may come true”. And it did come true. Many of my friends and I were expecting that finishing IB exams means a total happiness, that the remaining days at school would all be glittered by happiness. People talked about ‘things to do’ for the last days and …. never mind. It didn’t happen. Not to scare the future second years, but in the last days, people were tired. We just procrastinated. And we also needed to pack up and clean our room. Some people managed to cross some of their ‘to-do-list’, but it was overwhelming. At least for me.
I started crying since the Thursday of that week. Every bit of memory that was added to the experience made me cry. The last cultural cafe, the second year show, and the big prank my friends made for me. The closing ceremony, the teacher show, and the last night All of these made me cry. And I cried like never before.
I still have a clear image of the day we were leaving. 22nd of May. It was a different one to the last year’s second year leaving where it was all bleak and raining a bit which amplified the sadness. This one was sunny. Like a day in the weekend where you would just chill out outside and play volleyball or something. And there were us wiping our tears, as one by one of the second years were taking their last steps at the college. No managed to say goodbye to everyone, I think, but I didn’t manage to say goodbye to some of my friends. I deliberately stayed longer to say more goodbye as I would still be in Freiburg anyway.
But eventually, I left too. One of the last ones. I think it was already half past noon. As I were sitting in the car observing my surrounding, the image of my first arrival there was projected clearly in my mind. It was with the school van, with Michael and Luigi and that was sunny as hell like the day I am leaving. As that comes to mind, the realization that the experience was over finally arrives. Instead of making me cry again, that thought actually let me sigh my first relief and say: it’s over.
About Staying Longer
It’s been a bit more than three weeks since then. I am still in Freiburg, if you don’t know.
And I even already came back to the college for four times. It’s always weird. Of course it always recalled some memory, but nothing really made me sad. It always gave me smiles instead. I was sitting casually at the mensa again, I talked to the first years, the staff, and it always came with happiness. And it was really weird! I saw how my roommate Alex changed ‘our room’ into a hotel-like room. And I was greeting the first years casually as I passed by with my bike in the city.
With all of these in mind, the fact that I am staying in Freiburg for longer time really changed the situation. I am gradually detaching myself from UWC. It’s like me suggesting myself that I can still be there again and it wasn’t real. I am deluding myself.
And now, I am faced with the fact that I will be really leaving. I am facing the reality. In less than two weeks. It struck me really. I am not ready to say goodbye. But I am familiar with this. Recently. And for now, I will just keep in mind my first year’s (Farid) words that he eloquently wrote on his blog: you’re luck if it stings.
On the 26th of June, I will be leaving to Indonesia. That day, this blog will officially be invalid anymore. Not that I am deleting it, but it’s no more Indonesian in Freiburg.
About Going Home
I will be settling back in my original home with such climate I am not used to anymore and the culture that I haven’t been exposed for a year. It will take a while to feel home again and may not be completely
But surely it will be fine and wonderful. There are certainly a lot of things to get excited about.
Although, I’m not really going back for good. I will be there only for two months and after that, this Indonesian in Freiburg will become Indonesian in Middlebury*. This just means, I eventually have to encounter a parting like this again. It really feels like a cycle. And it’s tiring. And what I can do is only to remember, again, what Farid says about “You’re lucky if it stings” and this quote:
An important note I want to say is, I am going back home not only for the sake of going back home. I am still aware of the environmental impact I will make by taking a flight. My original plan was to stay so that I would take one less flight. I also want to explore Europe even more. There is just a lot of memory here that I am still not willing to say goodbye yet.
But, I remember my ultimate goal is to go back and give my best to change this country to be a better place. To constantly contribute brick by brick that let this country’s foundation become greater and greater. And this time, I am coming with one brick. It might be nothing for the nation, but a huge one for me. And I’m really looking forward to sharing the news once it’s done.
Have a nice day,
* No promise that this blog will turn into Indonesian in Middlebury. Let’s see!